I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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