I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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