I hate your face
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
