I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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