Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
