singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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