I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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