Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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