I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
