Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
