Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your penis caused this!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
