I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
