Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
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