I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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