Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
