I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
