I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
