420 ftw
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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