CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
