I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
