In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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