Jerry, you need to find god
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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