do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
