the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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