bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
please don't ironically join a cult
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