You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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