you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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