I didn't shave. On purpose
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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