so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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