if i can run in heels then i can drive
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
