im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
