half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
worst night to have a conscience
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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