omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
