Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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