He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
