Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
