I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
