I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your dad touched me again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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