i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
