I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
