I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
