I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
