I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
