hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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