so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
