im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
