If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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