You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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