I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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