im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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