haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
