I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize