When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
