Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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