Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
