Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
