Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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