Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
