so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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