So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
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If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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