Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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