I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
