Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
