You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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