Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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