just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
