And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
