my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
