I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
