he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
