the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
