u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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