i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
