bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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