If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
