my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
