i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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