The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
cat food counts as protein by the way
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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