she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
