My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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