the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
